The Thing vs. The Idea of “The Thing”

I’m learning that sometimes the idea of something greatly surpasses the actuality of whatever you’re idealizing.  I don’t know if it’s human nature or just the nature of an English major to romanticize things, but I do it quite often.  Constantly daydreaming, imagining, wondering about what could be, what it would be like if I had done x or y differently, or how much better life would be if this one thing could just happen.

On a small scale, this is ok.  It drives you to want to do better and achieve greater things.  When your ideas and dreams become skewed, though, you have a problem.  A friend of mine showed me this inspirational quote: “It’s not about having what you want, but wanting what you have.”  I think this is extremely important to keep in mind.  We live in a society that wants immediate gratification.  When something is broken, we don’t fix it.  We throw it out and buy a new one.  If you don’t have the latest and greatest phone/car/wardrobe, you’re considered lesser-than.  Status is everything.  And this is nothing new, it just manifests itself in different ways than it has in centuries past.

As someone living with depression and anxiety, it is easy to fall into the trap of jealousy and envy.  Not only that, but it is also easy to have a skewed vision of  your own life, belittling your experiences and traits as trivial.  Especially in the age of social media; everyone posts photos and words that portray their best selves, their ideal selves, but that is not always reality.  However, it is hard to remember that when you are surrounded by photos of people who are “#blessed” and “so lucky to be/have/live in (insert really cool thing/place).”  You start to wonder, “Hmm, maybe if I went to that school / had a significant other / became friends with her / joined that organization, I’d be happier.  Maybe I’d have a life as cool as theirs.”  It is almost ridiculous how many different things there are to be jealous of in today’s day and age.  I would be a hypocrite if I said that I did not select specific photos to post on social media which I think will get the most likes, or try to compose the wittiest tweets, but I think social media does more harm than good for the most part.

I have a good life.  I have a roof over my head, clothes in my closet, food on my plate, and the opportunity to learn at a reputable institution.  Why, then, would I want anything else?  What else could I possibly need?  What could possibly cause this unhappiness and dissatisfaction with my life?

For a long time, I dreamed of traveling somewhere far, far away.  I thought it would be incredible, eye-opening, and all things good.  And it was.  But you don’t daydream about the language barriers, the empty bank accounts, or the loneliness that comes with leaving your home and all things familiar.

Or, when I was a little girl, I couldn’t wait to be older.  I thought when I grew up I’d be prettier, smarter, cooler, skinnier, and just all-around better.  Little did I know at ten years old what twenty would be like.  I remember my Dad telling me not to wish away my childhood, that it would be gone before I knew it, and I’d wish I hadn’t tried to grow up so quickly.  He was right.

I guess this post is a reminder to look at the glass as half-full.  Appreciate what you have while you have it, and don’t try and wish it away.  The grass is not always greener on the other side.  I know that is an overused cliché, but it does a decent job of summing up what I am trying to say.  It’s easy to get swept up in the here-and-now generation, where everything always has to be shiny and new.

You are important, your experiences matter, and you do not need 100+ likes on an Instagram photo to validate your existence.  Keep on daydreaming and setting goals, but live in the here and now.  We have a very short time here on Earth to try and make a difference, and I hope someone, somewhere, benefits from reading this post.

Getting Involved

So, it’s been a busy two weeks!  I have been accepted to write for Her Campus Oregon, and just became a member of Sigma Kappa!  Lots of exciting things are happening!

I finally feel like I really belong here.  It was rough the first few weeks, unpacking and adjusting to my new life.  But now that I have places to be and things to see, I’m really looking forward to the rest of my time here in Oregon.

Transferring universities has really helped me to see the importance of getting involved.  It is so nice to be a part of something, to feel like you are contributing to the greater good.  I find this so interesting, that people rely so much on one another to find happiness/success/fulfillment/etc.  It just proves that we are not alone, and that we have to work together to achieve beautiful things.

I am really looking forward to finding new ways to get involved on campus, and I’ll keep updating my progress on here! 🙂

There’s No Time Like the Present

Time has gotten away from me, and it has been nearly two weeks since my last post.  I had hoped to be more consistent in my writing, but as I am learning, no one is perfect.  This just means I have room for improvement!  I have had very little free time for blogging recently.

To sum it up, in these past two weeks I quit my job, flew to the east coast, welcomed my newborn baby cousin, visited family, flew back to the west coast, and celebrated my younger brother’s birthday.  Needless to say, time flies when you’re having fun, and it’s especially easy to lose track of.

While visiting everyone, we reminisced and laughed, hugged and smiled.  These past few days were merry and cheerful, but they also brought a painful reminder.  This time last year, my family and I were on a plane to the east coast for a heartbreaking reason.  My grandmother, Sylvia, passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.  It was a car accident, and I miss her dearly.  While we all miss her, I do think it was a miracle, and that God called her home.  She had brought two people to accept Jesus as their savior that weekend, and the following Monday, she was taken from this Earth.  I can’t see that as anything other than a miracle.  The circle of life is fascinating, as almost exactly one year later, we found ourselves flying back home for the joyous birth of a new baby.

This is a reminder to cherish your loved ones while you can, and not to take the little things for granted.  It’s easy to lose sight of what is truly important, finding yourself wrapped up in work or school or materialism or any other distraction.  I know I am guilty of this myself.  Sometimes it’s easier to binge-watch Netflix than it is to talk to family who drives you crazy, but it’s also important to remember that they won’t be there forever.  Make the most of your time here; be kind to others, pursue what makes you happy, and tell others how you feel.  There’s no time like the present.  Life is not meant to be filled with regret or bitterness, and I’ve found that it is too difficult to bear those things alone.  All we can do is try our best to be better each and every day.

Life Lessons I’ve Picked Up So Far

Every day is an opportunity to learn something new, if you take advantage of it.  This is a post to compile a few of the tidbits of wisdom that I have collected throughout my years.  These are lessons that I’ve picked up in conventional places as well as those off the beaten track; from family, friends, strangers in the grocery store, solo travels, teachers, and even failures (as disappointing as those can be).

This is not an exhaustive list, as there is endless knowledge in this crazy world.  The more I learn, the more I realize how much I still don’t know, and that’s a scary thought.  But, it’s also exciting, and gives me hope and something to look forward to each day.  I still have quite a ways to go and much to learn, but this is a good place to start.

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1.  “Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.”  – My friend noticed this on a sign hanging in a gelato shop in Venice after we had gotten caught in a crazy thunderstorm.  A friendly reminder to embrace the curves and speed bumps life throws at you.

2.  Don’t worry about what other people think of you.  In the words of my wise father, “30% of the people you meet will love you, 30% will hate you, and the other 30% just won’t care.”  (side note: I asked, “But Dad, what about the other 10%?” and he responded, “Don’t be a smart-ass.” – you get the gist.)

3.  We can’t have all the answers, so it’s pointless to try and figure everything out.  Most of the time, it ends in anxiety or fear about something that you can’t change. (I’m still struggling to live by this one. Baby steps.)

4.  Treat others as you wish to be treated.  Karma is a real thing.  Pay it forward.  There is enough conflict and animosity in the world without us needlessly adding to it.

5.  It’s okay to ask for help.  For so long, I thought that asking for help made you weak or “less than,” but in reality, it takes a lot of strength to ask for help.  It’s emotionally and/or physically draining to go through life’s ups and downs alone.

6.  Money comes, and money goes.  My dear friend Elena taught me this lesson while we were in Paris, as a reminder not to let money control your decisions.

7.  “If it’s worth it, it’s usually not easy.” – Sometimes in the midst of a undertaking, you can lose sight of the end goal.  My friend Elena, mentioned above, is probably one of the wisest twenty-year-olds I’ve met.  She also gave me this gem, something to remember when the going gets tough.

“Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.”