I almost wish I had a real reason to be sad, but I realize that would be much worse than what this is. This is myself, this is in my head. I have no reason to be sad and lonely; I just finished my first term at my new university, I have food on my plate, clothes on my back, and a roof over my head. I have all of the material things I could ever need.
I think I am sad because of loneliness. I think college is one of the loneliest places in the world. You are on your own, trying to figure out who you want to be and what you want to do. There are constantly people around, but not necessarily always a deeper connection. This is real life, this is adulthood, being on your own.
I read a book by an author, Marina Keegan, published posthumously. The preface to the book explains how she was tragically killed in a car accident at the age of 22, just after her graduation from Yale. In one of her essays, she writes, “We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life.”
I agree, Marina. That’s what I want too; the opposite of loneliness.
Material goods are short-term; they have no deeper meaning. I want a deeper connection, I want relationships with people, memories and laughs. Love and happiness. I want the opposite of loneliness.